| The
Bishop of Stafford has issued a Valentines’ message to Churchgoers in the Diocese of Lichfield, in which he says married
couples should “continue to work at their relationship if it is going to be as we all hope, life-long and mutually fulfilling.”
W.S.Gilbert wrote: ‘for such a beastly month as February, twenty-eight
days as a rule are plenty’ – and I agree with him! Winter drags on and it is only towards the very end of the
month that we begin to see signs of Spring.There is one bright spot in February – the 14th – St Valentine’s
Day.
Valentine was actually a priest or bishop who was martyred at Rome. His association with those in love comes
perhaps from this being the traditional day in medieval belief when birds mated or from a link with a pagan festival which
occurred at this time. Whatever the origin, Christians use it as an annual remembrance of the way a loving God blesses those
who love one another, just as Jesus encouraged us.
I
am looking forward to the Royal Wedding. It is really good to be able to celebrate the love that a couple have for each other
and I hope that Prince William and Kate will inspire others to ‘take the plunge’ and think about marriage.
The Diocese of Lichfield has supported a Weddings
Project which was tasked with developing ministry to those who wish to get married. As part of the initial consultation the
Project commissioned independent research to consider various aspects of current feelings and experience. Of those questioned
most people still regard marriage as a sign of a committed relationship.
It was interesting to learn that the majority of those who wanted a Church wedding did so because
they wanted something that was ‘traditional’ and also because even if they did not attend Church on a regular
basis, they felt that they wanted to make their vows before God or have a sense of God’s blessing.
I have encountered many couples who have been living together for years and who have
never felt the need for God’s blessing through marriage. I have spent time with couples of the same sex who have been
in loving relationships but for whom the Church of England does not offer the opportunity to receive such a blessing. I have
also, sadly, known a number of married couples whose love for each other has died even though their relationship was blessed
by marriage in a Church.
It is a confusing
picture but I think this is one area where the Church does give a lead. I believe that for the majority of us marriage remains
the best way of expressing a committed loving relationship.
The wedding ceremony is the start of married life and those
who enter into marriage have to continue to work at their relationship if it is going to be as we all hope, life-long and
mutually fulfilling. The Church needs to get better at supporting marriage (and the Wedding Project has been a helpful start)
but above all, couples need a sense of the Presence of God in their married life, guiding and supporting them.
Bert had been married to his wife for sixty years and when they came to Church to
give thanks for this I asked him how their relationship had lasted so long. Bert simply said, ‘You have to keep on loving’.
That is not a bad thing for us to remember. We have to keep our relationship fresh by continuing to show love to our partner
(and allowing them to show love to us). But we also need to keep on loving God. Sharing the joys, sorrows, opportunities and
challenges of married life with God opens the way for God to show love for us.
I hope that any reading this who are in a loving relationship but not yet married will think seriously
about taking this step. Your Parish Priest will be pleased to talk things over with you and help you. You could also find
good advice by going to www.yourchurchwedding.org.
And
for those who do not receive Valentine’s cards this year and for whom the opportunity for marriage seems elusive, never
forget that we are all loved by God and so are never alone!
With love and every blessing,
+Geoff | 
